Wow!

This is amazing!

I mean, I always knew I should've tried to get famous, but as a guy with no impressive breasts or a morally casual attitude, I've never been backstage at a huge show and seen what stars are privvy. too. Apparently, The Smoking Gun has found out.

My particular favorite was Pavoratti, I think, with the rider of "no distinct smells." Amazing.

What's your favorite?

This would have made me wear my retainer

All those years... all my dreams...

These Tropical-Colored Braces Are Going To Get You So Much Ass

Random Thoughts, News, Etc...

1.) Well, THE JOB had me take two days off in a row so they could do more interviews. The week before a major festival trip. Sheesh. So, I went out to THE NEW JOB today and met the kids, shadowed, and all that kinda good stuff. All in all, a good day.

2.) What is this wild shit?

3.) My new horn came in yesterday! Pics coming soon, but it's bad-ass, in the parlance of our times. Mucho cool.

Till next time...

Deep In The Heeeeeaaaarrt...

... of shit.

So, I'm back from an impromptu two-day odyssey to Lubbock, TX. Apologies to all of you Texas Tech. fans, but I am afraid that Lubbock failed to charm, impress, or excite. Now, part of this is my fault. I take responsibility only for the following, and in fairness, this particular issue was solved with a phone call.

1.) The drive from Wichita to Lubbock is BOOOOORRRRIIINNNNGG. Jesus, but by the turnpike, it's about 11 fucking hours of NOTHING except shitty Okie roads, bad hillbilly drivers in semi-trucks, and FLAT FLAT NOTHING AT ALL. Shit, western Kansas is more exciting, and if you've ever made that drive, you know what I'm talking about. I've always said that western Kansas was flatter than an anorexic uncle-bait JV cheerleader with a self-esteem problem and a meth-habit, but obviously I mis-awarded that particular honor. In retrospect, it seems natural that TX should get that "accolade," I suppose. Big Pun did clue me in that 54 was a much better drive, shorter, and with more scenery and no police. He was right, as he is about so many things of this nature. And what is up with Okie turnpikes needing a couple of bucks every 15 feet? I mean, it's clear that the revenue isn't going into the schools (sorry EJ) or the roads or into a mandatory personal-hygiene education program for the citizenry... so what the fuck are they doing with all my change? Gambling, right? Gotta be.

2.) Screw Lubbock! I have never had so much trouble buying beer anwhere! First of all, Lubbock is one of those quaint towns that doesn't sell package-liquor, so you have to go out into the middle of nowhere if you'd like to enjoy a drink in your own hotel room. This particular fact led Gindo and I on wild-goose chase out into the middle of the middle of nowhere, to a row of liquor stores that looked like converted airplane hangars. The first of which would not sell beer to me for due to my lack of a valid TX ID. The hilljack pole-smoker at the first place took one glance at my ID and apparently decided that his break wasn't over and that the taste of his cousin's wang wasn't quite out of the back of his throat, so he had no time to take my money. He actually told me that it was state law that he couldn't sell to me without a TX ID. Lying fucking prick. We drove down to the next barn and bought beer there. So much for his vaunted law. Is it any surprise that our current president is from this state? I think not.

In Lubbock's defense, I did eat some good BBQ. However, one good meal does not a good visit make. On my scale of places I'd like to live, Lubbock is most certainly X'd off the list.

The Fuck-It's

... I've got a bad case of 'em. The job-thing is sorted out (more or less), it's the day before Spring Break, I've got one more class to teach (unfortunatley, it's my ornery class), and then time for some serious mental and emotional decompression. To my own surprise, I've managed to teach pretty well today. I mean, I haven't exactly brought my A-game today, but it hasn't been my F-game either, so, like the meme about "Things never to say in the recording studio" says:

Hey, that's a pretty good take for what we're getting paid.

Also, I liked:

"I don't think I could make any improvements that wouldn't make it worse."

Problem Solved!

I was offered and accepted a job yesterday. Tomorrow I am signing the contract and rescinding my candidacy for this job. It's a good feeling. A very, very good feeling.

Also, I got my faculty performance evaluation from THE GIG yesterday, and it honestly couldn't have painted me in a better light if I had written it myself. That glowing evaluation of my work performance and the consistent sand-bagging on the part of THE GIG over the last SEVEN MONTHS when it came to offering me a job leads me to one inescapable conclusion: they've never had any intention of offering me a job. It would have been a huge load off my mind had they simply told me that to begin with, but at least now I have secured employment for the 2008-2009 school year. All I've got to do now is find some bitch-work survival job for June, July, and August. I'm afraid I've gained to much weight for pole-work, and we couldn't getting funding for our summer-long archeological dig searching for the Lost City of Gold, so who's got some other ideas as to what I could do with myself for a few months?

Day off! (sort of)

Well, the job told me to piss off for the day so they could audition someone else for said job. While I am loathe to give up the day, I've decided to be constructive. I did all the professional shit I could do yesterday, what with sending out applications for other jobs and so on, now I just have to wait and hear back from them... hopefully. Maybe the job I'm at will offer me a job? How cool would that be? Yikes.

So it's nice enough out that I think I'll go out and tear up the garden.

I was going to complain...

... well, I was going to complain. Here's what about:

1.) They've decided that I need to take another day off this week so they can audition someone else. They think. They think I'll need to take Wednesday off. But they're not sure. So I should just plan to be gone on Wednesday. Unless I'm going to need to be here on Wednesday. They haven't made up their minds yet, but I should just plan to be gone. Unless I need (read: they need) me to be here.

2.) Girls made State Bball. Whoopee! I'm glad for them I really am. I said in January that we would play the semi-final and championship games (provided we made it that far). Of course, my AD doesn't remember that conversation. So, we're playing Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, potentially. And for the Saturday game, we'd be leaving at 10:15AM. Boo-hoo, quit whining, you say? I work until 2:00AM on Friday and Saturday nights.

3.) Just the ever-present waiting of not knowing whether or not I have a job. And waiting on several other schools to tell me the same thing I'm waiting on this one to tell me. Ugh. I hate this, hate this, hate this. Oh well.

But, then I read Ubie's blog (http://www.ubermilf.blogspot.com/) and suddenly I realized I maybe shouldn't complain quite so much. After all, I'm just going through dumbassery and weirdness. She's watching a loved one go with (and apparently, exist in) dumbassery and weirdness. Much love, Ubie. Sorry about Cuntzilla.

This isn't going to turn into one of those "look what I found on YouTube blogs, don't worry..."

I've never really been one to let YouTube videos do my posting for me, but I felt this had to be shared. This is pretty much was a bad night at LOTUS sounds like. Or maybe a good one...