... of shit.So, I'm back from an impromptu two-day odyssey to Lubbock, TX. Apologies to all of you Texas Tech. fans, but I am afraid that Lubbock failed to charm, impress, or excite. Now, part of this is my fault. I take responsibility only for the following, and in fairness, this particular issue was solved with a phone call.
1.) The drive from Wichita to Lubbock is BOOOOORRRRIIINNNNGG. Jesus, but by the turnpike, it's about 11 fucking hours of NOTHING except shitty Okie roads, bad hillbilly drivers in semi-trucks, and FLAT FLAT NOTHING AT ALL. Shit, western Kansas is more exciting, and if you've ever made that drive, you know what I'm talking about. I've always said that western Kansas was flatter than an anorexic uncle-bait JV cheerleader with a self-esteem problem and a meth-habit, but obviously I mis-awarded that particular honor. In retrospect, it seems natural that TX should get that "accolade," I suppose. Big Pun did clue me in that 54 was a much better drive, shorter, and with more scenery and no police. He was right, as he is about so many things of this nature. And what is up with Okie turnpikes needing a couple of bucks every 15 feet? I mean, it's clear that the revenue isn't going into the schools (sorry EJ) or the roads or into a mandatory personal-hygiene education program for the citizenry... so what the fuck are they doing with all my change? Gambling, right? Gotta be.
2.) Screw Lubbock! I have never had so much trouble buying beer anwhere! First of all, Lubbock is one of those quaint towns that doesn't sell package-liquor, so you have to go out into the middle of nowhere if you'd like to enjoy a drink in your own hotel room. This particular fact led Gindo and I on wild-goose chase out into the middle of the middle of nowhere, to a row of liquor stores that looked like converted airplane hangars. The first of which would not sell beer to me for due to my lack of a valid TX ID. The hilljack pole-smoker at the first place took one glance at my ID and apparently decided that his break wasn't over and that the taste of his cousin's wang wasn't quite out of the back of his throat, so he had no time to take my money. He actually told me that it was state law that he couldn't sell to me without a TX ID. Lying fucking prick. We drove down to the next barn and bought beer there. So much for his vaunted law. Is it any surprise that our current president is from this state? I think not.
In Lubbock's defense, I did eat some good BBQ. However, one good meal does not a good visit make. On my scale of places I'd like to live, Lubbock is most certainly X'd off the list.
7 comments:
Plus, Lubbock is a dumb word.
Also, the drivers in Lubbock suck. Thank god the kids were on Spring Break or there would have been 50k more of them.
Speaking of dumb words, WV = umtub
Nick's an UMTUB!
I am forced to agree on all counts.
Well, I guess I know what's NOT on my summer vacation destination list. Although, granted, I wouldn't be lookiong for beer halls in the sticks, either. :-)
And, I suppose it's a minor thing, but your otherwise entertaining prose should be grammatically correct " . . . Gindo and I .. . ."
Sorry - old habits . . .. Mom
Oh, dear lord. You went to Lubbock? I'm sorry.
Yeah, Oklahoma's highways are shit. (Don't drive on I-40 through OKC - the damn thing might collapse.) OU's got a shitpile of money, though.
Anyway, man, we were in Lubbock a while back for a trombone thing and their students offered to take us over to this "awesome" bar, and it made the cowboy bar in The Blues Brothers look high-class. Lubbock was a hole, man. I would've warned you if you had asked. ;)
Actually, the place you describe may be the place we had lunch. It was, perhaps, Lubbock's only redeeming virtue, which, by your oh-so-correct assessment leaves Lubbock TX in dire straits...
Post a Comment